Divorce & Separation

Our marriage is breaking down, what should I do?

Family break-ups are never easy. They can bring out the worst in many of us. But if you decide to divorce or separate, there are good reasons to keep things polite and civilised between you and your partner.

• In the first place, the legal process will cost less.
• If you have children, a bitter fight will only harm them. Try to put them first.
• A fight will also be more damaging for you. Once the divorce is over, you will have to get on with the rest of your life. It is harder to do this if you know that you have behaved badly.
• If you're seriously thinking of divorce or separation, it's a good idea to get some advice from a solicitor who specialises in divorce and similar matters. You may then decide that you can sort things out between you, or use mediation to sort things out. But the solicitor will at least tell you where you stand and help you work out your options. Hogans Solicitors hold a Specialist Quality Mark in Family, awarded by the Legal Services Commission.

Can I get divorced if I'm in a civil partnership?

If you're gay or lesbian, and have made a civil partnership, the equivalent of divorce is officially called 'dissolution'. However, the process is much the same, and the advice here applies to civil partnerships as well as marriages. But, to keep things simple, we use 'divorce' for both married couples and civil partners, and we use 'partner' to describe a husband, wife or civil partner.

Do I have to use a solicitor?

If your situation is very simple, you can arrange a 'do-it-yourself' divorce. But you may need a solicitor if:

• you have children
• you've been married for more than, say, five years
• you own property with your partner.

If you decide to deal with the divorce yourself, contact your local county court to get the guidance booklets and forms you will need. Its number will be listed in the phone book under 'Courts'. You can also download the forms and booklets from the Courts Service website (www.hmcourts-service.gov.uk/).

How much will it cost me, and what if I can't afford a solicitor?

The cost of divorce varies greatly, depending on how complicated your case is and how far you and your partner can agree about things. All solicitors, including Hogans Solicitors, they will base their charges on how much time they spend on your case.

We will give you an estimate of costs and the hourly rate when you first see a solicitor, but be prepared for this estimate to change as your case goes on. We will keep you regularly updated regarding the ongoing costs. However, if you are on a low income, for example if you are on benefits, you may be able to receive legal aid to help with the cost of:

• the divorce proceedings
• mediation or legal proceedings to reach an agreement over money and your children.

How long will it take?

Most divorces take six to eight months from the first step (called 'filing the petition') to when divorce is official (when the 'final decree' is granted). The time can vary depending how quickly you both deal with the paperwork, and whether you know where your partner lives.

However, sorting out the money can take much longer. You can get your final decree, and be free to remarry, before you have sorted out the money.

Will I have to go to court?

Not always. If the divorce is 'undefended' - which means you both agree to it - you can deal with it through exchange of papers, and neither of you will have to go to court.

But you may also need to reach an agreement about children and money. You may be able to do this through mediation, but if you can't agree on things together, you may have to go to court and let a judge decide. This can be complicated, and can take many months to sort out.

What if my partner won't co-operate or I don't know where they are?

If your partner won't agree to the divorce - or if you're not in contact with them you will still be able to get a divorce, but the situation will be more complicated than if your partner had agreed to it. It will depend, for example, on how long ago you stopped living with your partner. So you'll need advice.

Can I be separated without getting a divorce - and do I have to do anything to make it legal?

All you need to do to be legally separated is live apart from your partner. When you are no longer living together, you are classed as separated for tax and state benefit purposes. Officially, you can even be separated but still live under the same roof, if you:

• arrange your household so that you no longer sleep or eat together
• don't do domestic chores, such as washing or ironing, for each other

You don't need any formal legal document to be separated. However, if you need to agree with your partner about money matters (including, for example, the family home) or issues to do with your children, you should seriously consider getting a document called a 'deed of separation'. This states what you've agreed. You'll need a solicitor to help you prepare this.

Can I get a divorce if we're still living together?

You don't have to be living apart to get a divorce - especially if you have nowhere else to live - but you have to be able to show the court that your relationship has truly ended to be granted a divorce.

You must have been married for at least a year before you can apply to the court for a divorce. And you have to show that your marriage has broken down 'irretrievably' (that is, one or both of you feel that you cannot stay married to each other).

What will happen to the children?

When the court grants you a divorce, it expects you and your partner to agree where the children will live and how the non-resident parent (the parent they don't live with) will arrange to see them (called 'contact arrangements'). If you and your partner are on good terms, you can do this between you. But if you can't agree, you'll have to get a judge to decide, and he or she will issue a court order, setting out the arrangements. If you're in this position, you'll need the help of a solicitor. Hogans Solicitors are experts in Child Care Law.

What happens about money? Will I be allowed to stay in the house?

If you can, you and your partner should try and agree on what will happen to the money and things you've owned jointly. However, if you can't agree on how to divide these things, you'll need the help of a solicitor, and the court will decide what will happen.

Your partner can't just decide on their own who will get what - so even if the family home is in their name, they cannot just make you leave.

As well as deciding what will happen to the family home, the court can decide on many other money matters. For example, it may say your partner must:

• pay you regular amounts of money ('maintenance')
• pay you or your children a lump sum, or
• give you a share or claim on your partner's pension fund.

Where can I get help and advice?

For most people, the first step is to speak to a solicitor who specialises in family law. Even if you don't end up getting a divorce, a solicitor will explain your options for your particular situation. Hogans Solicitors can help with all aspects of family law.